Cooper's Promise Page 4

  “Cooper,” said, shaking her head sadly at the shame of it all. “Let’s just call it what it is and let it go. I think we both had different expectations of how things would be before I came here, and before you decided I’d just as good of a fuck as the person standing next to me. But unfortunately I’ve recently discovered something about myself—as in the last twenty minutes or so. It’s been a hell of an eye opener, and I completely took it for granted before.”

  “Your attitude is starting to piss me off, Claire.”

  “Cooper, if you had your gun on you I might take it from you and shoot you in the foot. Shut up and listen, please.” She smiled sweetly, though the anger was obvious in her eyes. “Sex should mean something. It should be more than a quick grope in a closet with someone who doesn’t give a damn one way or the other about you. Yes, it should be satisfying. It should be dirty or sweet or standing up or lying down. The how doesn’t matter. But the why sure as fuck does.”

  The growl that came from his throat didn’t intimidate her. If anything, it gave her the courage to keep going.

  “This was a mistake all around. I know it was my fault for instigating it, so I apologize for inconveniencing you and getting in the way of whatever you guys are doing here.”

  She pulled her hand from his grasp.

  “I warned you that you wouldn’t like what I wanted from you, but you said I’d never know unless I told you. I can’t change who I am, Claire.”

  “No one with a soul or an ounce of self-respect would like what you wanted from me. And if that’s a rule you’re determined to live by then I’m sure as hell not going to try and change you. There’s a lot I can take from you, Cooper, and there were a lot of things I was willing to try, but I won’t sacrifice myself on the altar of your illusions any longer. It’s fine for you to get what you want, but I deserve to get something of what I want as well. It can’t all be one sided.”

  Disappointment weighed like lead around her shoulders, and all of a sudden she was just so damned tired. The fight went out of her on an exhalation of breath, and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  “Let me have what’s left of my pride and just let it go, Cooper. There’s no need to try and talk things out so you can try and justify your decisions to yourself.”

  He moved closer so he towered above her. “Whatever this is between us isn’t just going to go away.”

  “I know that,” she said softly. “But just like with anything, if you ignore it long enough, you can pretend it never existed in the first place. I’ll see you around, Cooper.”

  She turned and made it to the safety of her car before the tears began to fall. She didn’t realize until she’d gotten home that she still wore the collar Cooper had placed around her neck. She had no idea how she was going to get it off.

  Chapter 4

  Leave me what’s left of my pride…

  Those words haunted Cooper all through the night, and they distracted him while Cade put a small team of four men together to intercept the shipment of drugs Morda was sending into Canada.

  They’d achieved their goal of arresting the men traveling with the shipment—though Cade had taken a bullet to the hand and shoulder, and Cooper had one come close enough to his ribs to leave a burn mark across his skin.

  But just like Cade had feared, they hadn’t caught the big fish. The men in the truck were just worker bees, and none of them could give the DEA Rafael Morda. The raid on Club Dominique hadn’t fared much better. They’d confiscated enough drugs to shut the club down for a while, but it was still just a small part of the picture.

  Cade had found out who’d betrayed their position inside Club Dominique. It had been the same female agent he’d seen at the club the night before who’d been getting her boots licked. The Morda’s men had given her up easily enough with a little persuasion.

  Once the action ended and he’d seen Cade comfortably resting in the hospital, Cooper found himself headed towards the MacKenzie house instead of his own apartment above the Sheriff’s Office. He’d get his brother, Thomas, to bandage his ribs, and he’d make himself a sandwich. And then maybe he’d get twelve hours of shut eye in the room he’d slept in growing up. It was going on noon, and he hadn’t had sleep in more than thirty hours.

  But it wasn’t Thomas he found when he entered the kitchen door. Cat MacKenzie, Thomas’s wife, was behind the stove burning something in the frying pan. Her face was flushed red enough to match her hair and he was surprised he didn’t see smoke coming out of her ears.

  “I don’t understand it,” she yelled. “I can scale a hundred-foot wall with suction cups and pick a lock with my eyes closed, but I can’t make a grilled cheese sandwich.”

  Cooper winced at being reminded of what his sister-in-law had once done for a living. Technically she was still a thief, but since she stole for the FBI it wasn’t considered a crime. She’d had to put a halt to her thieving, though, once she’d found out she was pregnant.

  “This is all Thomas’s fault.”

  The pure disgruntlement in that statement had Cooper stifling a laugh.

  “He told me I needed to find something to occupy my time until the baby gets here. He said I could treat it like school and learn the things I never got to when I was growing up. Clearly he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.”

  Cooper took pity on her and took her by the shoulders, pushing her towards one of the stools that sat beneath the kitchen island. He took the pan from the stove and went about the task of making them both lunch.

  “How’s Cade doing?” she asked, narrowing her gaze at how easily he flipped the grilled cheese from one side to the other.

  “He’s in and out of it. The bullet that hit his shoulder didn’t do any major damage, but the one that hit his hand tore some tendons. He’s going to have some mobility issues.”

  “Thomas is going up to see him after his last patient is gone. How about you? Are you all right?”

  Having women join the MacKenzie family had been a completely foreign experience to Cooper. He and his brothers were close, but they didn’t talk about their feelings unless they were at gunpoint, and they sure as hell didn’t analyze each other. He’d found out very quickly that the MacKenzie women had no such issues.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Mostly.” He thought about the look in Claire’s eyes when he’d told her they had no future. The fear that had clutched around his heart when she’d told him she’d made a mistake and didn’t want to see him again.

  “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” he asked.

  “You can always ask me anything, Coop. Even though you’re a cop.”

  Cooper smiled and put a plate of grilled cheese and chips in front of her and sat down with his own lunch.

  “Do you ever worry what would happen to the baby if something happened to you or Thomas? Don’t you think it’s a little unfair to bring a kid into the world knowing that you could end up abandoning him?”

  The reaction he got from Cat was not at all what he’d been expecting. He thought she was going to choke on her sandwich. Laughter rolled from her belly and tears pooled in her eyes. Cooper felt heat crawl up his cheeks and pushed back his stool to get up, but she grabbed his wrist and held him there.

  “Cooper, I love you, even though you took some getting used to at first. I’m sorry I laughed. I know this is serious to you, but that’s the biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever heard. Does this have anything to do with your own feelings after your parents died?”

  Cooper just shot her a narrowed look.

  “Does it have anything to do with you’re the kind of woman you usually gravitate toward and how you like your…extracurricular activities? Why you never bring any one woman around the family and seem incapable of forming any lasting relationships?”

  He growled in annoyance at the way she’d just psychoanalyzed him and put him neatly in a box. Then he watched as sympathy moved through her eyes.

  “Are you asking because of Claire?”

&nb
sp; “I need to know the answer to my question,” he said, his throat dry.

  “No, I don’t think it’s unfair to bring a child into the world knowing Thomas and I will be gone someday. It could be tomorrow or fifty years from now. But our child will know how much we loved him, and he’ll have uncles and cousins to help fill in the gaps. My perspective is unique because of where I came from. What you guys have is special, and I had no idea how to react to being welcomed and loved unconditionally by the rest of you just because I belonged to Thomas. It’ll be that way for all our children too. You don’t forget that love just because a person dies.

  “And to answer your unspoken question, I don’t think it’s wrong to love. Not ever. Even when you know your time is finite. Why would you limit your happiness? Why wouldn’t you make the best of each day and hope for the best for the days to come? The fear of not knowing what’s coming would be like an axe hanging over your head. You’ll never really enjoy life if that’s the way you choose to live. What have you got to lose, besides a relationship you’re too afraid to nurture or the hope of a child you might someday call your own. You’ve already raised three kids. You’d make a damned fine father to your own. You have a tremendous capacity for love, Coop. You show it by the way you take care of your family. But love hurts sometimes. That doesn’t mean it’ll go away or you can overcompensate by trying not to feel at all. You’re not being fair to yourself or anyone who might love you in return if you do that.”

  Cooper’s eyes burned at how well she’d seen through him. He’d been the problem solver in his family for so long that he’d forgotten what it felt like to let someone else take part of the burden.

  “You’re a pretty good sister-in-law. For a thief.”

  A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she wiped it away in annoyance. “Damned hormones,” she said. “You’re a good brother, too. For a cop. Now go have Thomas look at your ribs. I can tell they’re hurting you.

  “Oh, and Cooper?” she said on his way out of the kitchen.

  “Don’t give up on Claire. She’s loved you an awfully long time. I bet it wouldn’t take too much groveling for her to forgive you.

  Chapter 5

  Claire managed to avoid any and all MacKenzies for a whole week.

  Since she’d embarrassed herself at the club Friday night, she’d had plenty of time to play the scenes over and over in her mind. It didn’t matter how she changed her reaction or the things she said, the outcome would have ended up the same.

  She’d spent the week in seclusion, either in her tiny, two-bedroom house that she’d bought the year before, or at the library where she constantly looked over her shoulder, just waiting for Cooper to corner her.

  He might not have tracked her down in person, but he sure didn’t mind ringing her phone off the hook. She’d hung up on him the first time. She hadn’t bothered to answer the next time. She’d finally unplugged the thing completely from the wall. Cooper would lose interest soon enough. Once he realized she wouldn’t settle for anything less than what she knew he was capable of giving.

  But as she dressed for work the following Friday morning, she found herself staring at her naked body in the mirror on the back of her door. She was trim, but curvy. Her ass and breasts were always going to be more than a handful. No amount of exercise would ever change that.

  Cooper hadn’t rejected her body. He’d found it more than satisfactory. He’d liked the nipple ornaments, and she’d loved the way they’d felt when he’d put his mouth around her.

  It was her research that had given her cause to get them a few years before. She loved all her piercings—she hadn’t been sure she would when she’d first gotten them, especially the small hoop she’d gotten in the sensitive nerve bundle of her clitoris.

  It had been curiosity that had first led her to the unusual decorations—and no one ever saw them except her—but she loved the way they looked and felt, and she had no desire to get rid of them just because it wasn’t considered mainstream for a small-town librarian or your average woman walking down the street. She was more than comfortable with her own body and sexuality, and she had a mind of her own. She knew what she liked.

  But Cooper had added to her body decoration—and not by her choice. The collar was a problem. Every time she looked at it she was reminded of what could have been between them. She was eventually going to have to see him again and make him remove it. But not yet. She wasn’t quite ready.

  The good thing about the collar was that it could be passed off as a necklace if she wore the right clothing with it. The bad thing about it was she’d had to dress up more than usual every day this week. She was getting tired of wearing hose.

  She pulled on sheer thigh highs and a black pencil skirt that made her legs look good. The weather was still cool in mid-April, so she picked a three-quarter length shirt the color of poppies that cut in a low vee to show just a hint of cleavage.

  Nerves overtook her, just like they did every morning, as she left the house and took the long way to the library. She had the added misfortune of the library being directly across the street from the sheriff’s office.

  The street was mostly deserted this early in the morning, and she sighed in relief when she saw Cooper’s truck wasn’t parked in front of the station.

  She prayed all the way into the building that she wouldn’t come face to face with Cooper today. She reminded herself that Club Dominique had been a moment of temporary insanity, and that she was still the same Claire Drexel she’d always been—a small town librarian with close friends and family. A woman who had the heart of an adventurer trapped in the mind of someone who never broke the rules. It was time she accepted her lot in life and moved on.

  Cooper knew the minute Claire stepped foot into the library.

  He had a perfect view of the front steps from his office window, so he’d seen when she’d unlocked the big front doors and slipped inside. Even from a distance his cock hardened at the sight of her. She was his every fantasy come to life. The thought of her pierced nipples hiding under all those clothes made him crazy to peel them off layer by layer.

  He’d had nothing but time over the past week to think about what his sister-in-law had told him. Between that and thoughts of Claire, his mind had been pretty busy. Even now as he thought of the way he’d treated her, the things he’d told her, shame crept over his skin until he felt dirty from it. She’d deserved better from him. And he’d deserved to be horsewhipped.

  He’d been so used to his routine of how things went with the other women in his life, he’d almost become desensitized to the fact that there were still people in the world who had real feelings. He’d been cutting off his own emotions for so long that it seemed like the natural thing to do. But it wasn’t just Claire’s body he wanted, he’d discovered after a great deal of soul searching. He wanted everything about her. And he prayed he hadn’t screwed things up too badly to try and make a new start.

  “Lucy,” he called out to his secretary. “I’ll be available on my cell if there’s an emergency. I’ve got a few personal matters to see to.”

  He ran up the back stairs to his apartment and made a call. If Cat was going to dole out advice, then she should be there to back it up.

  “How do you feel about filling in some holes in your education?” he asked when Cat answered the phone.

  “I’m always up for something new. I just finished my very first pot mat, so I’m ready to conquer the world.”

  “Good, because Surrender is going to need a librarian for the rest of the day. And maybe tomorrow.”

  Cooper took out his piercings and dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. He would come to Claire with only himself to offer. He would give her everything he had. Everything he was. He knew in his heart that she was the woman for him. It wasn’t something that age or life or death could determine. And if he accepted that Claire was the one woman on this Earth that had been created for him, then all he could do was make the choice to accept that fate. Or
deny it.

  He’d already made the mistake of denying it once. Because of fear. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Claire was his. If she’d have him.

  There were a few people in the library when Cooper went in a half hour later. It didn’t matter who saw him. He was determined to make Claire hear him out. Being without her wasn’t an option.

  Claire was straightening up the children’s section and talking softly to a little boy of about three or four. She didn’t turn around when he entered, but her back stiffened as if she instinctively knew he was there.

  He leaned against the front counter and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Claire to run out of things to do just to avoid him. She finally had no choice but to come in his direction. She lifted her chin and kept her expression politely blank as she looked at the spot just over his shoulder instead of at his eyes.

  “Claire, I need to talk to you.” His voice was soft in deference to where they were, but people were still giving him strange looks.

  “I’m working right now, Cooper. And I’ve heard about as much what you have to say as I want to. Just leave me alone.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sweetheart.” Her eyes finally met his, and it broke his heart to see such bitter desolation in their depths. Because of him. “I’ve taken the liberty of finding you a replacement for the afternoon. I need you to come with me. Just for a little while, so I can explain.”

  She laughed softly and shook her head as she made her way around the counter so there was something physically between them. Despite the laughter, if was hard to miss the icy blast of her anger.

  “So have you made it your personal mission to ruin my life? You’ve decided to harass me at my work place and dictate what I will and won’t do? I don’t belong to you, Cooper. I’m not your possession.”