A Christmas Wish: Dane Read online

  “Please,” she begged, tightening her legs around his hips.

  He groaned and began to move, incapable of denying her anything. They held onto each other as if their lives depended on it. He wanted to be gentle—smooth—in his lovemaking, but they were both too caught up in the sensations, all but crawling inside of each other with their need to find completion.

  The world grew still and silent around them, only the sounds of flesh against flesh and soft sighs and moans could be heard over the thundering of their heartbeats. He felt her tighten around him, her grip like a vise, as she screamed out his name in a climax so intense he could do nothing but follow after her.

  Dane didn’t know how long they lay connected and completely spent, but when she shivered from the cold he realized maybe they’d been wrapped in each other longer than he’d thought.

  He pulled from her body and she gasped at the separation, and then he rolled them so they lay on their sides, facing each other. He pulled the comforter around them like a cocoon and they burrowed inside.

  Her eyes were heavy with sleep and he brushed the hair back from her face before kissing her softly on the forehead.

  “When are you going to marry me?” He hadn’t planned on bringing it up, but after the experience they’d just shared he needed to know. He was tired of sneaking around in the dead of night, hoping for stolen kisses and fast couplings. He wanted someone to talk with at the end of the day and someone to wake up to in the mornings. There would never be anyone else for him. Charlotte was the one. The only one.

  She sighed and her hand rubbed soothingly against his chest. “I told you I would marry you, Dane, and I meant it. But there’s no need to be in a hurry. We had a lot of years apart, and we’ve gotten to relearn each other over these past few months. And you and Jayden are still getting to know each other too.”

  He felt her hesitation at the mention of Jayden, and he knew that was the reason she wouldn’t commit to a wedding date. He and Jayden had gotten off to a rocky start. Dane couldn’t blame his son for resenting him. Hell, he resented himself for not being there for the first nine years of Jayden’s life, and he would have moved heaven and earth to change the past. But it couldn’t be changed. All they could do was move forward.

  “I want to be a good father to him,” he confessed. “I can’t tell you how badly I want that.” His words caught in his throat and he had to swallow a couple of times to keep his eyes dry.

  “Oh, baby,” she said, “I know that. But he needs more time. You’re doing what you can, and things are easier now between the two of you.”

  “What happens if things are never easy between us, Charlotte? Do we put our lives and happiness on hold? Do we prevent the chance of having more children and growing as a family?”

  “He’s my son, Dane.”

  “He’s my son too, dammit. I can only imagine what he feels or thinks whenever he looks at me. But I’m not going away. We’re a family. It’s time we started acting like one.”

  “I’m just asking for a little more time. I’ve forgiven you for the past, Dane. But I’m not sure you’ve forgiven yourself. Maybe once you have, Jayden can start to forgive you too.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Dane tried to pretend like his world wasn’t unraveling around him the next morning. In his heart, he knew it was what he deserved. But deserving it didn’t make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow.

  Muscles strained beneath the thick layers of his coat and sweat snaked down his spine, despite the freezing temperatures. His breath huffed out in white puffs as he fought the snow with a shovel like a warrior wielded a sword in battle. It was a losing battle, for even now the heavy white flakes fell with alarming speed, covering the freshly cleared surface.

  The MacKenzie house stood where it had for the past hundred or so years. The original two-bedroom structure of hand cut timbers and gray stone had grown into a sprawling house with more rooms than they could count, and it had been added to with every generation of MacKenzie.

  It was where he and his brother Thomas lived now, though the house was meant for a large family with children running up and down the hallways. Much to his Aunt Mary’s disapproval, none of his brothers or his cousins were married.

  Thomas was the only doctor in Surrender, so he’d turned one end of the house into a clinic, but there was still more than enough room for a whole army of MacKenzies to sleep comfortably. His other brothers, Riley and Cooper, stayed at the house off and on. Cooper was the sheriff and usually slept in a small apartment over the station. Riley was a college professor in the next town over and stayed there during the school year. They were all four living under one roof again for Christmas though.

  Dane had been back home for months, but this place wasn’t really his home anymore. His home was with Charlotte and Jayden, and he resented every second he didn’t get to spend with them.

  The Munroe land came right to the edge of the MacKenzie property, and Cooper had said they’d offered to buy the ranch from Charlotte after her father’s death. If Dane hadn’t come home when he had, she probably would have sold it to his brothers.

  He still didn’t know why he’d had the urge to come home all those months ago. He’d walked away from a career that had made him a name in the journalism world, kept him on the front lines, and brought him close to death more times than he cared to count. There were aspects of his career he missed—the excitement of chasing down a hot lead on a big story—but he was enjoying the book he was working on just as much. It was its own challenge to put his experiences down on paper in a way that would make people want to read about them.

  Yes, coming home had been the right decision. A fortuitous decision. But frustration clawed at him in a way it hadn’t in a long time. Family had always been the most important thing in his life. From the time he was small, he always knew that if he were in trouble or he needed help that his parents or brothers would be there for him. And if for some reason they couldn’t be there, then one of his cousins would step in. To the MacKenzies, family was everything. And whether Charlotte and Jayden wanted to admit it or not, they were MacKenzies now.

  But here he was, living at home with his brother, while his lover and son lived only a few miles down the road. He felt like a failure. In every way a man could fail. Tonight was Christmas Eve, the first one he’d spend at home in ten years, but he felt little joy in the season.

  Dane tossed the shovel aside and watched it skid across the slick driveway. The physical labor hadn’t cooled his anger or frustration, and he stood with hands on hips as his breath labored in and out of his chest.

  He’d forgotten a hat. Ice crystals clung to his damp strands of hair and the stubble of beard on his face. He’d almost forgotten how cold Montana could be in the winter—almost. There were some things that stuck with a man, and there were plenty of times when he was sweating his ass off in Afghanistan in 110 degree heat, wearing BDUs and equipment that added another twenty degrees, when he dreamed of a good Montana snow.

  That seemed to be a recurring theme in his life—not realizing what he had until it was too late.

  He heard the screen door on the front porch creak open, but he kept his back turned so his brother couldn’t read his face. The screen door slammed shut and footsteps echoed across the porch and stopped.

  “I just got off the phone with Cade,” Thomas said. “Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim won’t get in until tomorrow night. Their flight was delayed. Cade said he, Grant, and Darcy will be over as soon as she takes the cookies out of the oven, but he recommends we don’t eat them considering all the smoke that’s coming from the kitchen.”

  Dane huffed out a laugh at that and scrubbed his hands over his face before going to pick up the snow shovel.

  “What about Shane and Declan?” he asked.

  “They’re both out of country and Cade hasn’t heard from them in a couple of weeks. If they can be here they will, but I wouldn’t count on it. What time are Charlie and Jayden supposed to be here?”<
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  Dane was the only person to ever call Charlotte by her full name. Every one else, including her father, had always called her Charlie. Apparently Mr. Munroe had been sure he was going to have a son instead of a daughter.

  “Any time now. They’re going to spend the night here and open presents in the morning. Make sure you pass the word along for everyone to watch their language around Jayden.”

  Thomas chuckled and Dane saw him bend down to pick up a handful of snow. He was the youngest of the brothers, and he had the same piercing blue eyes as most of the MacKenzies, though his hair was dark brown.

  “Are you kidding me? That kid is the spitting image of you at that age. He knows more words than we could ever teach him, and I’m pretty sure he’s been teaching Cooper a thing or two on the side. The kid’s got a mouth on him that I adore.”

  “At least he uses it with you.” Dane took the shovel back into the garage and hung it on the wall. He’d shoveled enough for Charlotte to park her car. More than likely the rest of the family would ride their snowmobiles since his cousins lived just on the other side of the lake. “He barely says a word to me.”

  “You’ve just got to give him some more time to get used to you.”

  Dane turned around to look at Thomas, suddenly furious. “Why has he gotten used to you, Riley, and Cooper and not me? He comes over to hang out with you guys, and the moment he sees me he stops talking and tries to look anywhere else. When I talk to him, he answers in one-syllable words. What am I doing wrong? How do I reach him?”

  Thomas sighed and Dane could see the sympathy on his brother’s face, but he didn’t want sympathy. He wanted answers.

  “Like I said, Dane. You and Jayden are a lot alike. Think back to when you were nine years old. What did you like to do or talk about? You and Jayden keep dodging each other, neither of you knowing what to say or do. You’re a new authority figure in his life and he’s still trying to figure out what your place is in the world he’s built for himself. It’s always been just him and Charlie. They’ve been looking out for each other, and maybe he resents that you’re there to look out for both of them now.”

  Guilt arrowed home at Thomas’s words. “I would’ve been there if I’d known.”

  “I know that. And deep down Jayden knows that too. But there’s nothing you can do to change the past. You just have to make the future as good as it can be.”

  “I’m trying, dammit.”

  “Well, try harder. Talk to the kid. Find out what he likes. The two of you have been circling each other like wolves for months. Just be yourself and don’t try so hard. He needs you and wants to get to know you, but he’s scared too. It’s obvious for anyone to see. You’re shaking up his world and stealing his mother from him all at the same time.”

  Dane opened his mouth to refute his brother’s words, but then he realized there could be some truth to what Thomas said. “Oh.”

  “Give the kid a break. He’ll come around soon enough.”

  “That advice would be a lot easier to take if Charlotte would marry me.” Dane kicked at the stone on the side of the house and felt the sting in his toes. Thomas’s advice was easier said than done.

  “Oh, ho. You get cranky when you sleep alone. Believe me, Charlie would be doing us all a favor by marrying you. You’ve been a pain in the ass to live with these past months, moping around the house when she’s not here and panting like a bitch in heat when she is.”

  “Watch it,” Dane warned. He wanted to pound on something, and Thomas was as good a target as any.

  Thomas smirked, knowing exactly what was going through Dane’s mind. “Or what? I think you left your balls in Afghanistan.”

  Dane charged his brother, realized his mistake a moment too late. If he hadn’t been so distracted he would’ve remembered the snowball Thomas had been holding. Thomas had always been good at distractions. The snowball hit him square in the face, and icy water dripped down his chin and neck and down the collar of his jacket.

  Dane wiped the slush from his eyes while Thomas howled with laughter. And then he charged with a whoop and tackled Thomas around the middle so they both went flying backwards and skidded across the snowy yard.

  They were about the same height and weight, so they were evenly matched, but Thomas was still laughing, so Dane was able to get a well-placed elbow to the gut as he dumped snow down the collar of Thomas’s jacket.

  Neither of them noticed the screen door opening and two more MacKenzies stepping out on the porch.

  “Which one do you want?” Riley asked Cooper. If a person didn’t know any better it was impossible to tell the two men were brothers, much less related. Riley was blond haired and brown eyed, while Cooper had the black hair and blue eyes of their great-great grandfather.

  “I’ll take Thomas. You wouldn’t have a chance if Dane and I teamed up against the two of you.”

  “In your dreams. It’s the old against the young. And last I checked, you were old.”

  Cooper winced as Thomas managed to bury Dane’s head in the snow so he could make a quick escape.

  “Not old. Just more experienced.” Cooper grinned as he launched himself at his younger brother, and the war was on.

  They quickly took sides to even the odds and shouts of laughter and grunts echoed over the white rolling hills of MacKenzie land. Dane was soaked to the skin and freezing, but he didn’t care. He was having the time of his life, and it had been too long since he’d just—played.

  He blocked a snowball from hitting him in the face—Cooper always did have a wicked arm—and launched his own attack. They were right in the thick of things when a shrill whistle pierced the air.

  They all four turned toward the interloper, arms cocked back and ready to defend each other. They could fight one another all they wanted, but if an outsider tried to pick a fight with one of them they all four joined forces. It had always been that way. No one messed with MacKenzies.

  Charlotte stood with her fingers still at her lips from when she’d whistled, and her eyes went big and round as she found herself the target of four overbearing males holding snowballs. Jayden stood at her side, and the glee in his eyes told him he’d been enjoying the show.

  “Is this a bad time?” Charlotte asked.

  She and Jayden both wore thick coats and scarves wrapped around their neck and up to their chin, and their cheeks were ruddy from the cold.

  Jayden wore the Denver Broncos toboggan Riley had gotten for him, but his shaggy blond hair peeked out from underneath. Damn, Dane thought. Jayden really was the spitting image of him at that age. Right down to the hazel green eyes.

  “Not at all.” Dane’s lips twitched as his brothers moved in to flank him. They knew each other well, and they were all on the same page. “Just a little MacKenzie family fun.”

  “Funny,” Charlotte said, smirking. “It looks like a brawl to me.”

  “MacKenzies fight to win, sweetheart.” Thomas gave her the heart-melting grin that had gotten him out of trouble on more than one occasion. “Even in games.”

  Charlotte’s eyes went back and forth between the four of them, and she started to look a little nervous, taking an involuntary step backward and putting her hand on Jayden’s shoulder to take him with her.

  “We wouldn’t want to interrupt, right, Jay?” she said. “We’ll just go in and put the gifts we brought under the tree.”

  His brothers shifted again and Dane looked at Jayden. “Pick a side, Jay. I suggest you choose to join me and Riley if you want to win, though having your mom on a team will even things out.” Dane’s gaze was wicked as he looked back at Charlotte. “She likes to play dirty, and she throws better than both of these ladies.”

  “Who are you calling a lady?” Cooper growled.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Charlotte said. “You’re not dragging us into the middle of a MacKenzie free-for-all.”

  Dane didn’t know why he did it. Maybe it was the adrenaline. Or maybe he was feeling adventurous. But the snowball left hi
s hand before he could pull it back, and it hit the target he’d been aiming for. Right in the middle of Charlotte’s chest.

  “Why not?” Dane taunted. “You’re both MacKenzies.”

  Charlotte’s eyes narrowed and Riley hooted with laughter. “I guess we know whose side she’s on,” he said. “Better run for cover.”

  Dane wasn’t stupid, so he did exactly that. The look on Jayden’s face when he’d called him a MacKenzie hadn’t gone past Dane’s notice. It had been surprise and a yearning that broke Dane’s heart. Thomas had been right. The boy wanted family whether he knew it or not.

  He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake, but he grabbed Jayden by the arm and pulled him to the barricade Riley had set up for their team.

  “MacKenzies always look out for each other,” Dane explained after he’d gotten them both hidden just in time to avoid an onslaught of snowballs. Jayden looked at him solemnly but nodded, scooping up his own snow. Dane showed him how to pack it tightly so it wouldn’t fall apart before it made contact.

  “Go for it, kid. If you act like you’re hurt, Thomas will come out to help you and you can get him good. It’ll only work once though, so make it count.”

  Jayden nodded and smiled and Dane’s lips curved in an identical grin. For once they were in perfect harmony.

  CHAPTER THREE

  A couple of hours later everyone was dry and warm. Hot chocolate had made the rounds and the gifts Charlotte and Jayden had brought with them managed to find their way under the tree with the multitude of other brightly wrapped presents.

  Charlotte had noticed Jayden sneaking peeks under the tree like any normal nine-year-old boy to see if any had his name on them, but he didn’t want anyone to suspect he was looking. The male pride, even at such a young age, was a fragile thing.

  Dane’s younger cousins—Cade, Grant, and Darcy—had shown up just as the snowball fight had finished, and they’d all three been disappointed they’d missed out on the fun.